Healing from Abuse

The abuse I suffered as a child was not as extreme as some people experience, and it was not as intense for me as it was for others in my immediate and extended family. And fortunately, the perpetrators were sometimes absent from my life. Still, only now, at the age of 57, am I beginning to understand the full impact that it has had on me. Breaking through the veil of denial, admitting to myself what it was really like, and acknowledging that even those who did not perpetrate the abuse were still allowing it to happen; these are my first steps to healing. As I take time to revisit the feelings of fear, pain, shame, anger and blame, and really feel them in my body, I am shocked that I carried these feelings for so long before I was finally able to face them. But the biggest surprise is a happy one ~ hidden under the difficult feelings, I have uncovered the innocence and joy that I felt as a young boy, rekindled in my heart big as life, fresh and exuberant and bursting out of me! And the tears that my sobs release, embrace, yes, my pain and my loss, as well as the brightly sparkling promise of this new day. From this place, I embark on my journey of forgiveness, understanding and discovery.

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